Surrender

As most of you know I have started yoga teacher training this year.  At first I was hesitating starting the program while I was pregnant- however the owner of the studio assured me that I would still get a lot out of it.  He was wrong- I got more out of the program while pregnant than I ever could have before!

You see when you are pregnant you need to learn to listen to your body.  If you know me well, you know that I am a bulldozer- jumping from one project to the next, and always known for overdoing it.  My past yoga experiences have always lead me to push myself to my limits the way I always had in life.

Once I started the program I was a few weeks pregnant and already feeling the changes in my body.  At first I was angry with the changes- poses were no longer comfortable or easy for me.  An of course the old Ali would have pushed right through the pain.  Things change when you have more than just you to worry about.  
First there are things that you shouldn't do in yoga when you are pregnant- but eventually there will be things that you just CAN'T do.  For the first time in my yoga practice I was forced to really listen to my body.  I always saw the deep breathing exercises, and the thoughts of yoga being spiritual as a joke.  I was in it for the physical workout and nothing more (I called it trendy yoga).  But I am here today to say folks- it is so so so much more than that.... if you will allow it to be.

Over the last 9 months I have learned to first listen to my body.  Eventually I learned to surrender to my body- I gave into the poses that I no longer could safely do.  It's amazing that it took a child growing inside me for me to learn this.  There are so many benefits to going to a yoga studio- one of them being a teacher there to guide you.  Nearing my third trimester I had to surrender more frequently- it was hard at first- but then got easy because I started to enjoy it.  Surrendering in class was like the release I needed- there was never judgement- just my body and the pose (whatever version of the pose I could do).  I've learned to sink into each pose or "surrender in the pose".  I got to a point where I could say "I get it now- I get what its all about."  Little did I know I was wrong....

A few weeks ago I had a belly check appointment not go so well.  My blood pressure that had been running on the low side suddenly spiked to an unsafe level.  I was immediately put on bed rest and thus no more yoga studio and no more teacher training (for now).  Very upset I emailed my teachers at the studio to express my new frustrations.  I was surprised at their response.  They told me to surrender.  I guess I thought I had been surrendering all along- but surrendering isn't a once and done kind of thing.  It has to grow with you.  I may have surrendered in class when my body needed me to.  But now I need to surrender to the idea that my yoga practice is now a deep breathing practice.... but still a practice.  I never would have been able to accept the idea of deep breathing as practicing yoga- I now know and understand that it is one of the most important practices you can do.

I hope this inspires some of you to start a practice- but even more so I hope for those of you that have a yoga practice that you surrender to the idea of yoga being spiritual.  It is not something that you will ever master- and that is why they call it a practice.  Practice deep breathing in your home- its amazing what a few minutes of deep uninterrupted breathing can do for your mind, body and soul!  Practice in the studio and allow an instructor to guide you through your practice- it will change your practice forever.  Be open to new ideas and concepts and maybe, just maybe you will see yoga as I now see it- it only took me 8 years to get here!